info

abt life

i was jst throwing the garbage outta the apartment and its been like this - sometimes i do mundane tasks n im jst overcome w this feeling that wow i am actually alive like. im having to do this bc im alive and rn im not planning to go anywhere else

looking back i feel like i went thru so much to get THIS,. the very experience of normalcy sold on tv whn they want to depict an average human being, which i never thought was a real thing

dont get me wrong. not everything is perfect. i still have problems & cannot feel entirely at peace knowing that this world is crumbling and has been crumbling for centuries - but im not on Survive mode anymore. im living

and its not me getting a consolation prize. because when i was miserable, i also would congratulate myself for not giving up another day. it was jst obviously not enough and i had goals and i just didnt wnt Not Dying to be my main priority u know

so im good. its possible to be good. i had plenty of lucky and very good friends but im also proud of myself for working hard to make good things happen- i always feel like i hit th jackpot

17y old me would be thrilled to know that ive finally left home and dont need to be around my family anymore nor depend on them. i actually live with my close friends and i get to laugh a lot. she wld be thrilled to know im interning for the type of company i always wanted to work for and which gives me freedom to eat well, go to therapy and live comfortably. she wld be amazed to know that im not scared of ppl the way i was, and tht even tho something challenges me, i dont give up on it

i had absolutely no perspective n now im thinking im gonna b very Ok. but i think the best part of it is tht i have to thank myself for a good part of these accomplishments. its tiring as hell and stressful. but its so worth it :)