info

its me… again

im using tumblr in a funny way now like. giving life updates to past self!

therapy is good. i switched mine bc i didnt think we were compatible and i think it was a good choice idk.

like since the last update things have been good for the most part. i did fell into a horrible episode n i was drowning in terror and stress and u know. very Mentally ill™ of my part but it was kinda different this time bc i felt like i was being supported somehow and i think it was mostly related to my job - i feel v good again, after i got more confident. i can see i progressed these months and im getting more independent and i feel like im truly part of the team :) capitalism

so now ive restored my usual productivity and it feels good. this year has been life changing so far, despite all the horrible shit going on in my country and everywhere ofc… every time i finish therapy i dont feel relieved but introspective, its uncomfortable having to think and unravel myself especially whn it comes to Feelings or whatever. having to face myself and like realize i gotta work to do if i wnt to get better…. its not easy ! and it jus makes me think how fcking alone…lonely… ppl usually are like. at least i feel this way ? but anyway. i have time now to think about everything, im in a safe space where i cn actually look back n genuinely feel emotions ive been repressing all my life and blah blah blah. he said i gotta be more connected to myself and im trying to do that - trying to enjoy my time by cooking or writing, treating myself once in a while and trying to realize im also human…. i guess there r many things i could do. but yea overall i jst feel like. i should understand im human ? and i dont live to serve others ? yea. i think thts it. i feel good and im gonna get better :)